Chinese Democracy??? More like American Crap.

So, after waiting since my 11th birthday or so for a new Guns N' Roses album, it seems that day is soon approaching. And I have to say, this is a bitter sweet feeling. I've heard most of the songs on Chinese Democracy in earlier forms, and I have to say it wasn't worth the wait. Granted this new branded "Guns N' Roses" only consists of one original member (resident lead singer nut job extraordinaire W. Axl Rose) so there has always been an immediate rip-off cloud hanging over this album since the mid 1990's when work began on it.

Chinese Democracy has the makings of the closest thing we'll see to a real life Spinal Tap in our lifetimes. The album has cost reportedly upwards of $13 million to produce, far greater than any other record in history (and probably more than the Beatles and Led Zeppelin's entire album catalogs combined), and is doused with multiple members who have come and gone out of Axl's dysfunctional band of merry men since 1995. It truly is like Spinal Tap, except everyone in the band is the drummer, constantly being recycled with a replacement.

I've been laughing since the turn of the millennium when we were promised a new GNR album which showed some promise after Axl turned up to perform at the MTV Video Music Awards to close out the show in 2002. Axl, wearing an Oakland Raiders Jerry Rice jersey that looked like a Canal Street knockoff, sporting cornrow extensions, and some fresh botox on his face looked like a sad shell of his former self. On top of this, he proceeded to run around the stage like he did back in 1993, only this time, he was overweight and his voice sounded like an old woman screaming for help while being mugged in an alley in St. Louis.
I guess a debacle like that could send him and his album people stopped waiting for back into recluse mode for another half decade. Soon after, some of the Chinese Democracy songs leaked, most sounding like an industrial doody. This wasn't anything near the hard rock classic sound of "Appetite for Destruction" and even made the altered direction of the "Use Your Illusion" albums sound like a 3 piece in a garage (These are not compliments Axl, you hack.)

I am interested to hear the final version of Chinese Democracy, but am not expecting much. In fact, what I expect is something that will probably sound like it should have come out around 1997 or '98 and has been so blown out of proportion to this point that it is destined for failure.

Rolling Stone has given the album 4 stars, while they've recently given the Jonas Brothers 4 stars (which you know if you've read my previous posts), so that doesn't really hold much weight.

Maybe next time a Guns N' Roses album is announced to come out, they'll keep a lid on it until they've got the CD's on the trucks getting ready to ship out to stores. Depending on how this train wreck in the GNR saga goes, we most likely won't see bupkus from them until China actually has a democracy or the Berlin Wall goes back up. About the same time, Pink Floyd gets back together to record "The Wall Part 2" and Mick Jagger lets Keith Richards take over all lead vocal duties on the next Rolling Stones album. When, you ask, will this be? I'll tell you...two weeks from never.

When I do get to hear the album, expect about as nice a review as one could expect from a lifelong fan who has been sitting on hopes of a new album for 15 years, only to be told the entire band except for the singer have bounced, our biggest influence is now Rammstein. If you held your breath for this, you'd be in an iron lunch 10 years ago.