"My Week 2 NFL Picks...A League Without Tom"

Tennessee @ Cincinnati: Vince Young's mom asked the fans to stop booing him. Well, he won't have to hear anymore boos as he nurses his injured knee for the next few weeks. Kerry "Where's the nearest bar, and I'll have a double" Collins is starting, but I'll still go Titans on this one as the Bengals aren't much to worry about. Cincinnati is in shambles right now, and the NFL refuses to let Chad wear the "Ocho Cinco" on the back of his jersey until he recoups all of Reebok's expenses or they sell out of their now useless supply of "C. Johnson" jerseys. When Young comes back from his injury, he could still be sitting on the bench as the Titans aren't taking anymore chances by bringing in free agent Chris Simms to bolster their bench.

Green Bay @ Detroit: Detroit got embarrassed last Sunday by the Falcons, who were supposed to still be figuring out their post-Michael Vick plans going into this season. Matt Ryan and Michael Turner put their minds at ease, and Green Bay will go 2-0 by beating up on the Lions in Detroit. Aaron Rodgers is looking good, but there's almost nothing he can do this season to make the cheese heads forget about Brett Favre already (especially while he's still wearing a different shade of green every Sunday).

Oakland @ Kansas City: It's a battle between this game, and the San Fran/Seattle game for which one gets most painful game of the week to watch honors. I think the Raiders will win this one, but honestly who cares. Neither one of these league laughing stocks will make the playoffs, but at least one of them will get the goose egg out of their win column this weekend.

NY Giants @ St. Louis: The Giants impressed early last week, and the Rams impressed high school teams all around the country that they could probably play a closer game with the Eagles. The G-Men will go 2-0, and I will continue to let Mark Bulger sit on my fantasy team's bench. Why do I pick this guy every year?

Indianapolis @ Minnesota: This should be a pretty decent game, but I think the Colts will return to form and pull off the victory. This is definitely a weakened team with a still rusty Peyton Manning, but the Vikings can't ride on Adrian Peterson's back all year, especially not starting in week 2.

New Orleans @ Washington: Besides the Rams, Washington looked pretty pathetic last week. I think their coach's days are numbered if they continue down this path, but they should get better as the year goes on. It won't be against the Saints though. The Redskins won't be able to keep up with the Saints offense, even if Marques Colston in out for at least a month. Devery Henderson and David Patten should see more passes come their way as well as Jeremy Shockey, while he can stay healthy. Reggie Bush looked impressive last week; add all those weapons up, along with their improved defense, and the Redskins have too much working against them.

Chicago @ Carolina: Both these teams surprised everyone last week, the Bears by beating the Colts at home, and the Panthers by winning a last second stunner against the Chargers. I'm not completely sold on the Bears just yet, especially since Peyton Manning was still brushing the dust off and Joseph Addai went out early for the Colts. The Panthers without Steve Smith, on the other hand, beat the Chargers, pretty much at full strength, in a close game. At home, the Panthers should win this one.

Buffalo @ Jacksonville: Jacksonville stunk it up last week against their division rival Titans, who didn't even play that well to begin with. Buffalo laid a beating down on the Seahawks who had no receivers playing. This one should be pretty close, but I think the Bills will pull off the win in a close one.

San Fransisco @ Seattle: Both these didn't impress much in week one, but even if both finish at 7-9, they'll have a shot at the playoffs in their joke of a division that is the NFC West. The Seahawks are the more experienced team, so at home they should take care of business and beat the 49ers.

Atlanta @ Tampa Bay: Atlanta beat up on the Lions last week with impressive debuts by their rookie quarterback Matt Ryan and new starting running back Michael Turner. Jeff Garcia is out for Tampa Bay, and Brian Griese will get the start. Atlanta should take care of the Bucs, though Griese might show us he's still got some gas left in the tank by keeping it close.

New England @ NY Jets: This is probably the most anticipated matchup of the week for two reasons. One, everyone wants to see how Tom Brady's replacement, Matt Cassell will do in his first NFL start, and two, everyone wants to see if the Jets are serious about taking advantage of Brady's absence and going after the AFC East. I think Cassell will turn out ok this season in Bill Belichick's system, but it will take him another few weeks before he gets comfortable in the role. The Jets will most likely throw a lot at Cassell when the Patriots don't run the ball, and Favre will get better as he spends more time on the field this season. This one should be close, but I think the Jets will win by a touchdown.

Miami @ Arizona: Miami and new quarterback Chad Pennington showed promise last week, and I predict the team will get better as Chad gets more accustomed to their system, and Ricky Williams gets less accustomed to fumbling the ball on every other carry. Arizona at home with a potent offense should beat the Dolphins D that no longer has Zack Thomas or the Lord of the Dance, Jason Taylor. I'll go with the Cardinals.

San Diego @ Denver: Shawn Merriman is lights out for the season on that Tom Brady knee he thought he'd be able to rough it out on. The Broncos looked sharp on Monday night annihilating the Raiders, even without the services of Brandon Marshall. However, what all these sports heads are failing to realize as they rant and rave about how the Broncos are back, is that they played the Raiders. Last time I checked, their Warren Sapp resembling quarterback hasn't proven anything, and they've still got more holes than Roger Clemens's HGH story. Even without a hobbled Merriman, the Chargers will still threaten this year, and I just can't see them going 0-2 to a team that is all of a sudden an AFC front runner one week into the season. The Chargers should pull this one out, but it will be close.
Pittsburgh @ Cleveland: Cleveland is still trying to figure out if last season was a fluke, and if they blew it by not trading Derek Anderson when his stock was at its highest last year. While they continue their pondering, the reemerging Steelers should start the season 2-0 while fans in Cleveland get to boo the Browns 2 weeks in a row.

Philadelphia @ Dallas: This is probably the best Monday Night Football matchup the league could have planned for in week 2, as both these teams easily embarrassed their respective opponents in week one. Philadelphia looked sharp last week, but Dallas still has too many weapons the Eagles can't have all the answers for. That, along with this being the Cowboys home opener, means they should win this one. I would say by at least 10 or 14 points.

Baltimore @ Houston: In an odd move, there's another Monday night game, but this one is scheduled to be on CBS. Both these teams didn't show much promise last week, though the Ravens won their matchup. The Texans should be better, but I have been saying that the last two years, and they seem doomed for a franchise of mediocrity and unrealized potential. The Ravens should win this matchup, and probably would if they were playing at home, but I'm going to have to go Texans all the way on this one. It will be close, but the Texans should get their first win of the season.

How Will Belichick Win Without his Golden Boy???

My breakdown of my Week One NFL picks (which were as inconsistent as wardrobe changes at an Elton John concert in Vegas) will be coming later on this evening, but for now, here's a great(and I mean great) take on the harsh reality the New England Patriots now face without their franchise, quarterback Tom Brady, for the rest of the 2008 season. Jeffri Chadiha of ESPN.com makes a substantial and tangible argument in the case of Patriots coach Bill Belichick: Without Tom Brady as his quarterback, Belichick historically, is a loser (cue my laughing out loud like a crazed buffoon).
Chadiha analyzes Belichick's coaching record with the Cleveland Browns and the Patriots before Mr. MVP came along. 42-58. That's right; his horrendous tenure in Cleveland, followed by a 5-10 first season with the Patriots in 2000, and the starting of the 2001 season at 0-2. Then, enter Tom Brady, part savior, part magician, and now, depending on how the season goes, Belichick might end up looking like the great and powerful Oz when Toto gnawed at his curtain to reveal a weak, sad, and pitiful little man. The Patriots won the Super Bowl in 2001 with Tom Brady and the same team that went 0-2 before he started running the ship. Now, we will see how skilled Belichick is since his golden boy is done for the season. The weakened Patriots O-line, and weathered, aged defense won't have 40+ points per game to rely on when Matt Cassell is screaming for the refs to "Blow the whistle!" like Papke, the backup quarterback in "Necessary Roughness."

Cheers to Jeffri for saying what everyone else is afraid to say; that it is possible that while Belichick is no doubt a legendary coach, he hasn't been tested without his star quarterback in the post-Super Bowl phase of his career. If Belichick fails miserably, it will be redemption for him abandoning the Jets when Bill Parcells handpicked him to be his successor in 1999. If he doesn't, it is what all the sports pundits will attribute to his genius game planning and talent management. I still think 18-1 is a much more stunning and widely known number than 42-58, regardless of how this turns out.

To check out Jeffri Chadiha's no holds barred column that gets my vote for the "what everyone is thinking, but no one has the brass tactics to say" article of the month, click here:

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/columns/story?columnist=chadiha_jeffri&id=3576284

If this guy is accurate, he'll probably end up taking Peter King's Monday Morning Quarterback column by season's end.

Kevin Arnold Loved the Jets, And So Should You. Broadway Brett: El Capitan.

Remember "The Wonder Years," one of the greatest television dramas in history? What a great show (that I'm still waiting for on DVD), with a great main character, Kevin Arnold, who famously championed for Winnie Cooper's affections while donning a vintage Jets jacket at the height of the Broadway Joe era. Kevin's older brother Wayne is still one of the most hated characters in TV history, one that could make you want to put your fist through some drywall.

Anywho, here's a Broadway Brett update on the same day that the NFL's season kicks off with the Giants-Redskins game tonight. (Editor's Note: I've got Clinton Portis and Chris Cooley going on both of my fantasy teams tonight)

Yesterday it was announced that Brett Favre and Alan Faneca have been voted the offensive captains of the New York Jets for the upcoming season. While I would have liked to see wide receiver Laveranues Coles or maybe tight end Chris Baker as captains, I don't disagree with Brett being one, since he is expected to be the guy who leads this team all season. Coles and Baker lost some pull though when they got into contract disputes/holdouts with management in the off season. Faneca, while also being added to the team only a few months back still has pull over Jerricho Cotchery and Leon Washington, who are still a bit young to be looked at as captain material. Thomas Jones has only been there for one (lackluster) season at running back, and still has much to prove in the fans' and team's eyes, so that's not much of a surprise.
That "C" stitched on his jersey now won't make Brett Favre any better or worse; but same goes for Tom Brady's "minor" (stress fracture) foot injury. Here's my prediction on this ongoing rivalry between the AFC East opponents who meet for the first of 2 regular season match ups next week. The Pats and Jets will split their two games this year; I think the Jets have a shot winning it in week 2 since the Pats haven't (as far as we know) been illegally videotaping Favre on the Jets, and Brady might still be rusty. He will especially have trouble when Calvin Pace tries to rip his head off along with the rest of the revamped Jets defensive unit. Tom Brady, as Walter Sobchak (played by John Goodman) in "The Big Lebowski" best put it, is "entering a world of pain," this season. (See Walter below.)
The Jets will win 10 or 11 games (12 if a couple of the close ones fall their way) and get a Wild Card playoff spot since they don't play in the NFC West where a .500 team can not only make the playoffs, but win their division. The Pats will win at least 13 or 14, but their geriatric defense, and questionable O-line is going to be winded toward the end of the season like they were in last year's Super Bowl. That is why I predict the Patriots will lose somewhere between the first round and up to or including the AFC Championship, either to the Colts (if Peyton Manning stays healthy), Jaguars (another solid D that has a great season under their belt), the Chargers (if they can stay dominant without Shawn Merriman, because he'll take a career and/or season ending injury somewhere by mid-season with the bum knee he's adamant about playing on), or shall I say the J-E-T-S Jets?

A year or two ago I'd be labeled "looney tunes" for such a prediction. However, this is the first season in a long time any Jets fan can firmly say or believe that they have a legitimate shot to win any game they're in on any given Sunday. The Patriots are probably the most feared team in the NFL this season, and even they have questions coming into this year after going 0-4 without Tom and his bum foot throughout the preseason.
(Editor's Note: This is one of the best pictures of Tom Brady I have ever seen.)
Granted losing the biggest game in franchise history to end their season will weigh on the Patriots and give them extra tenacity this year, but on paper and on the field they are a weaker and more vulnerable team than they were last year. This is especially evident when one thinks about how they will need to have more left in their tank at the end of the season for a lengthy playoff run. Sure, Brett Favre is going to be 39 in a month or two, but the fresh life the Jets have breathed into their offensive line, backfield, and defense are more changes than the Patriots have made. If the same team that got pounded by the Giants defense (that boasted only one Pro Bowler) in the Super Bowl shows up this season, other equal or better defenses will be knocking the hobbled quarterback down even more this season.

Interesting enough, ESPN correspondent and Boston (yuck) fan Bill Simmons, has a somewhat similar view on the Pats and Jets. While he sees the Pats being questionable, he still has them making the AFC Championship, and losing to the Jaguars who he has for his Super Bowl pick. The Jets are his annual sleeper pick, though he has them losing their first two games on their way to a surprising 11-5 season. The record prediction sounds about right, but I see them winning at least one of their first two games, if not both. The third game against the Chargers is a toss up depending on whether Merriman is on the IR list by then or how much Phillip Rivers cries like Halle Berry accepting her Academy Award during the game.

You can read all of Bill Simmons's season predictions here on ESPN's website. Although I despise Boston sports teams, I like where his head is at. But I will say I think his view on the Giants is a bit harsh and skewed to the fact that they ruined his team's shot at perfection in the Super Bowl. While I think the Giants are going to have a tougher time this year with their losses on defense (Osi's knee surgery, Strahan's retirement, Mitchell's bouncing), I think Eli Manning will have a better and more consistent regular season than he has previously. They're definitely at least a 8 or 9 win team, but I still think the New York story of the year will be the Jets This is also due to the fact that the Yankees are horrendous this season, and the Mets are likely to come up shorthanded at the end of the season or in the playoffs, the ongoing trainwreck that is the Knicks organization, and the Rangers who have lost Sean Avery, JaomirJagr, and will probably end up at about the same spot they did in last season's playoffs.

Here are Simmons's thoughts:
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/080904

"Annoying Broadcasting Tandems, Reigning Terror on American Intelligence"

With the solid performance by Brett Favre, Michael Phelps's record setting weekend at the Olympics, and Bela Karolyi's creepy sideshow gymnastics commentary, I've decided to keep the mood sports-related this Monday with a short list of my least favorite broadcasting tandems (mostly sports broadcasters).

Mike and the Mad Dog
These two sorry excuses for microphone wielders sound like a live action Yogi Bear and Dick Vitale if he was sucking helium out of a tank whenever he talked. They are usually as absent-minded as many of the people who call up these sports radio shows and they should just go back whatever hot dog carts they were pushing before they got into broadcasting. Recently I heard that Mike and the Dog had a falling out however, and will not be broadcasting together for much longer. The baseball gods have answered the calls of fans throughout the tri-state area. I prefer Mike and Mike on ESPN radio, not these shmendricks, as Harvey Keitel called Jon Lackey in the Derek Jeter Gatorade commercial. Even by the looks of their pictures, they look like they should have been used car salesmen.


John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman
My thoughts on Mike and the Mad Dog pale in comparison to these two clowns who have called the Yankees games on the radio for longer than a decade. Suzyn Waldman loses points just for her funky-spelled name, and she's related to the Steinbrenner family, so there you have it. That was her ticket to the Press Box, but John Sterling, I'm not so sure about. I have no idea what this man does other than fuel the negative stereotypes towards New York/New Jersey natives. He's the Dr. Seuss of stupid people, coining phrases such as: "Jeterian," "An A-Bomb from A-Rod," "Damonic," "Whaddaya Know, Robbie Cano," and "A Damon Dinger," need I say more? I would rather listen to termites chew a house down than have to hear these two talentless announcers, but if I'm stuck in the car while the Yanks are playing, this is the torture I must endure.

Joe Buck and Tim McCarver
Joe Buck's head is huge, and filled with things I do not care to know. Tim McCarver is old, and unwise, and hates the Yankees. The next time you watch these two commentating on a Saturday baseball game on Fox and the Yankees are playing, take close notice. The negative-positive comments they have to offer about the Yankees outrank by a ration of about 10-1. Every season, they continue to do the best they can at making sure the rest of America hates the New York Yankees like they hate O.J. Joe Buck's zombie-like stare, and McCarver's fire breathing wrath displayed in the picture below are mere hints at their evil and sinister ways.

Rosie O'Donnell and Oprah Winfrey with Tyra Banks as a correspondent.
I threw this one in there because I can't stand any of these 3 Cruella De Villes. The best thing to ever happen on American television in the past 10 years was Rosie O'Donnell leaving her talk show. Too bad Oprah can't follow suit; I know this will never happen because Oprah does not trust her control on the universe with anyone else other than herself. Tyra Banks is the product of someone taking Oprah and Rosie's DNA and combining them in some secret underground lair somewhere. Similar to Gremlins having water poured on them or being fed after midnight. Tyra is one person climbing in the ranks who may ultimately take Rosie and Oprah's crown of annoyance. If these three ever planned some sort of hostile takeover, it would be a trifecta of terror similar to Stalin, Mussolini and Hitler getting together to plan world domination. If my blog mysteriously disappears in the near future, know that it was because of Oprah and Rosie's foot soldiers who will most likely have taken me hostage by then.

Joe Morgan and Jon Miller
Joe Morgan's head is inflated with his useless, one-sided opinions of the game; mainly, hating on the New York Yankees. His constant airhead observations with ESPN's resident Humpty Dumpty Jon Miller drives me to put my television set on mute whenever they are calling a Yankees Sunday Night Baseball game or a playoff game (which are the only 2 occurrences where I am forced to have to listen to the audible anguish that is their sorry excuse for baseball commentary). I still hold firm to my theory that they are in some way responsible for the MLB players strike that cut the 1994 season in half. Sure, Jon Miller may resemble a clean shaven Kris Kringle, but don't let his grandfatherly appearance and charm fool you, he has thoughts of baseball ruin on his mind.

I will happily accept any additions you may see fit to be added to this list. I will be sure to research their broadcasting woes and continue to blow the whistle on these men and women who make our teams that much harder to watch on a weekly basis, and give us all the more reason to buy tickets and see the games in person.