My First Obscure Super List: Notable Beards in Film History

Ok, here's a behemoth, monster of an obscure film list I've compiled to satiate your appetites. I won't be around the next couple of days, so hopefully this will hold you over until then. This is a (slightly modified) article I wrote for the inaugural issue of an online literary magazine called Post Script, which focuses on Vegetarians, Meateaters, Family, and Beards. Here is my list of notable beards in film history, dating back to the 1950's and up to as recent as this year.

This list is in no particular order as all these beards are spectacles in their own right, they are randomly listed.

1. Al Pacino in “Serpico”- In this true story of an undercover NYPD officer who refuses to take bribes like many of his fellow officers did in the 70’s, Al Pacino dons one of the most recognized beards in film history. It personifies his character’s stoic morals to go against the grain of police officers in the 70’s being clean cut, and never in question. Serpico was the antithesis of the dirty cop McClusky that Pacino gunned down a few years earlier in Dempsey’s Restaurant in “The Godfather.” Pacino later wore a cleaner beard many years later, in playing another character attempting to play it by the rules after a life of crime in “Carlito’s Way.”

2. Sir Alec Guinness/ Ewan McGregor as Obi Wan Kenobi in Star Wars- Obi Wan Kenobi was the mysterious, wizard like old man full of wisdom, knowledge, the force and a beard. His aged facial hair told tales of many Jedi battles and is stoic in his battle with Darth Vader. Ewan McGregor was probably the saving grace of the new trilogy of prequels, and he (and his beard) were perfectly cast as the young Obi Wan. We watched some of those facial hair tales unfold on the screen in these new films that took place previous to the original trilogy.

3. Dom DeLuise in…Pretty much every film he’s ever made- The only films I haven’t seen him in full beard in that I can recall is the 1976 Mel Brooks film “Silent Movie,” and the 1980 comedy “Fatso,” in which he plays an overweight man driven to a diet after his closest cousin dies young. “Fatso” is an undiscovered comedy that should be seen. It is in the same vein as the many Mel Brooks comedies DeLuise has appeared in, which makes sense since it was written and directed by Brooks’ late wife, Anne Bancroft. Bancroft’s other connection to these beardisms was her starring role as Mrs. Robinson in “The Graduate,” fellow beardee Dustin Hoffman’s breakout film.

4. Robin Williams in “Awakenings,” “The Fisher King,” “Jumanji,” and “Good Will Hunting”- One of the hairiest of the hairy, Williams is known in some movies for his beard that can be recognized as “The Williams.” It’s a full beard, often complimented with his court jester smile, and it won him an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor in “Good Will Hunting.” His beard in the beginning of Jumanji is an all out Grizzly Adams, been lost in the jungle for 20 years face shrub.

5. Tom Hanks in “Cast Away”- Guy works for Fed Ex, he’s for some reason on their jumbo jet delivering a bunch of packages in the same storm that wiped out George Clooney, Mark Wahlberg, and John C. Reilly in “The Perfect Storm,” and the plane crashes. He survives on a desert island, his only friend a blood faced volleyball named Wilson, who he talks to. He loses weight, spears fish, does some self dental work, and opens the Fed Ex packages that wash up on the shore. The one thing keeping him alive the most, is his love for Helen Hunt. His beard is as epic as the scale of the island he is banished to. It is a true journeyman’s beard, one that tells tales of wisdom, survival, lost love, and perseverance. He wore it a few years prior, in a darker shade in “Forrest Gump,” while running cross country, as did honorable mention Lieutenant Dan Taylor in the same film.

6. Kevin Smith in all of his films as Silent Bob- This throwback to Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin in the silent film era has graced the presence of all the Kevin Smith films, since the director plays him. However, it's not done in a campy way that becomes overtly annoying like M. Night Shymalan has done in his films lately. Silent Bob serves a purpose and lends to the plot and comedy of the films he's in. Besides, his sidekick Jay does enough talking for the both of them.

7. Sir Ian McKellen in the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy- As Gandalf in this epic trilogy known to many as the modern day “Star Wars,” Sir Ian rocks the beard of an aging Hells Angel from 1965. He’s a wizard, so honestly, if he didn’t have a beard, the movie would have been a flop for production inaccuracies. Wizards are universally linked to beards like Britney Spears is universally linked to white trash. Obi Wan Kenobi from "Star Wars" is another wizard-like character made the cut in similar fashion.

8. Robert DeNiro in “Heat” and “The Deer Hunter” – So, DeNiro’s Nick McCauley is sporting the goatee in this mid 1990’s epic crime saga with fellow beardo Al Pacino, but this is probably one of his best performances of his career that is not in a Martin Scorsese film; another being in “The Godfather Part Two” (the Pacino connection present there as well). Besides nothing says mid-1990’s like the goatee craze and clear Pepsi. “The Deer Hunter” is another Beardo DeNiro film that won the Academy Award for Best Picture in 1979, and another classic. This film followed the lives of a group of friends after they return home from Vietnam, so beards are inevitable when Vietnam Vets are involved (See Forrest Gump, Born on the Fourth of July, etc.).

9. Val Kilmer in “The Doors”- As Jim Morrison, Val Kilmer sported the Grizzly Adams a la Hanks in “Cast Away” for this Oliver Stone film about the legendary 1960’s rock band. Morrison’s beard is synonymous with the latter part of his life when he gained weight, became a mess, and ultimately died in Paris. Kilmer handles all of the singing duties himself in the film, which is probably its best aspect, and how better could one get into character than to walk a mile in his beard? Honorable mention to Kilmer’s beard in another biopic about John Holmes, “Wonderland,” as well as the Grizzly Adams he disguised himself in for his guest spot on the HBO show “Entourage,” when he played an aged hippie/guru/drug dealer.

10. Clint Eastwood in “A Fistful of Dollars,” “For a Few Dollars More,” “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly,” “Two Mules for Sister Sara,” “High Plains Drifter,” “Pale Rider,” “Unforgiven” (If 8 o’clock shadow counts)- Clint Eastwood is the Western genre. People talk about John Wayne, and Gary Cooper, and Roy Rogers, but Eastwood was the pinnacle of modern day westerns that showed the gritty and realistic side of the Wild West.

11. Jeff Bridges in “The Big Lebowski”- Out of all the beard films, this one may be my favorite since Jeffrey “The Dude” Lebowski is one of the greatest film characters of the last 2 decades, right up there with Hannibal Lecter and Austin Powers. The Dude’s full, slightly grayed beard tells the tales of where he’s gone, doobies he’s had, White Russians he’s sipped, and spares he’s bowled.

12. Jack Nicholson in “The Departed”- As the head of the relentless Boston Mafia, Frank Costello, Nicholson’s goatee was an accessory to one of the most maniacal, ruthless, cold hearted characters in all of Martin Scorsese’s crime sagas. He holds his own with Joe Pesci’s Tommy DeVito and Nicky Santoro from “Goodfellas” and “Casino,” as well as Daniel Day Lewis’s Bill the Butcher from “Gangs of New York.” Nicholson’s portrayal of Costello shows him as just a downright murderous man who sold his soul to the devil a long time ago. The beard is just gravy. He sports a similar beard in the Adam Sandler comedy, “Anger Management.” Good try for Leonardo DiCaprio in the same film, though he’s been repeating attempts at his 16 year old facial hair for the past decade.

13. Morgan Freeman as God in “Bruce Almighty” and as Azeem in “Robin Hood Prince of Thieves”- Morgan Freeman showed us his vision of God as himself with a beard in “Bruce Almighty,” and he did it with his best Morgan Freeman-isms: gentleman charm, a laugh that tickles the soul, a smile like your grandfather’s with a wisdom to match, and the nature that makes you think, “Hey, if I ran into this guy, he would probably be my friend, just because he seems like that type of guy.” As Azeem, Kevin Costner’s sidekick in “Robin Hood Prince of Thieves,” he coupled all those same charms, with a funky Euro/Middle Eastern something or other foreign accent to match. Also, the first film I ever saw him in, like the rest of America, I was immediately hooked.

14. Denzel Washington in “Training Day” and “Malcolm X”- I’ll deduct points from “Malcolm X” because he only wore the goatee towards the end of the film. If I recall correctly, it also wasn’t authentic, meaning it was a fake beard they glued on, but still, this was the film that made him a Hollywood superstar, so it deserves mentioning. He won an Oscar for Best Actor in his role as the cold blooded Detective Alonzo who was as crooked as a question mark. Honorable mention goes to Ethan Hawke, Washington’s co-star who also had the LAPD goatee fashion accessory out in full force as well in the film.

15. Russell Crowe in “Gladiator”- Arguably one of the most badass characters to ever grace the screen in the history of cinema, Maximus Decimus Meridius. As a general in Caesar’s Army in ancient Rome who is betrayed, left for dead and returns as a champion Gladiator hell bent on seeking revenge, no one could play this character like Russell Crowe. Easily one of the greatest modern actors, Crowe made Maximus explode onscreen, and also had adolescents like myself at the time reciting lines from the movie and making the most pathetic attempts to duplicate the Maximus facial hair. Honorable mention to Gerard Butler, who wears a similar, yet thicker beard in similar warrior fashion in "300."

16. Robert Downey, Jr. in “Iron Man”- The latest addition to this ongoing list, RDJ brought the character of Tony Stark to life in this exceptional comic book adaptation. He played the billionaire playboy so well, and with an artistic goatee, that Hugh Hefner has handpicked Downey, Jr. to play him in a film based on Hef’s life and career. The beard will definitely return when the inevitable sequel comes out, so he has given it franchise life, incomparable in the facial hair world.

17. Johnny Depp in “Pirates of the Caribbean”- Before “Iron Man,” Johnny Depp turned in a modern day franchise driving bearded performance as Captain Jack Sparrow in the “Pirates of the Caribbean” trilogy. Captain Jack’s drunken antics and unmistakable personality made it cool to make pirate jokes again. Well, not really, I guess “justified” would be more accurate than “cool.” Either way, he is now in the pantheon of classic Disney characters that have been gracing the screen since the early half of the 20th century.

18. Charlton Heston in “The Ten Commandments” and “Planet of the Apes”- As Moses in “The Ten Commandments” he parted the Red Sea and stood up for the oppressed people of Egypt. Heston’s long, white beard is the beard we see when we think of Moses, both in biblical terms, as well as cinematic ones. His beard in “Planet of the Apes” (in my opinion, his best film) is what I like to refer to as the “Irony Beard.” In the film he is an astronaut named Taylor whose ship travels light years away and crash lands on a future planet that is run by intelligent, walking, talking apes that have evolved. Humans are now the inferior beings, unintelligent, and kept in cages the way apes once were on Earth. When he boards the space shuttle, Taylor, working for NASA, has a full beard. When he gets captured by the apes, and is viewed as a savage beast to be locked in a cage, he gets clean shaven and remains so for the rest of the film. Hence, the “Irony Beard.”

19. Martin Starr in “Knocked Up”- You may not know the name, but if you’ve seen this hilarious 2007 Judd Apatow helmed comedy hit, you’ll immediately recognize him as the butt of the film’s recurring joke. In order to win a bet with his roommates, Martin cannot shave for a year. His long beard steadfastly grows in, which leads to his not so friendly roommates comparing him to Martin Scorsese on cocaine, Cat Stevens/Yusef Islam, Chewbacca, Crockett from “Miami Vice,” and John Lennon sporadically in the film’s 2 side-splitting hours. A modern classic, that captures the essence of the cinema beard.

20. Gary Oldman in “The Professional”- As the murdering, drug pushing, Mozart loving, pill chewing, psychotic New York City Police Detective in this Luc Besson masterpiece, Oldman gives one of his best performances. He’s as colder than Denzel’s Alonzo in “Training Day,” if that’s possible, but in some scenes his ludicrous tendencies are downright hilarious. Oldman also gets props for his bearded, dreadlocked turn as Dexter Spivey, the glass eyed pimp in “True Romance,” starring Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette. The first film written by Quentin Tarantino, Oldman practically stole the show in the 10 minutes of screen time he has. After, this is the same guy who played Lee Harvey Oswald and Sid Vicious.

21. Sean Connery in “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade,” “The Untouchables,” “The Highlander,” “The Hunt for Red October,” “The Rock,” and pretty much every film he’s done since he played James Bond. This beard is a signature; it’s as much a part of him as his hands, feet, and fingernails. Whether he’s guiding Nicolas Cage through the bowels of Alcatraz, calling Harrison Ford “Junior” while defeating a fighter pilot with an umbrella and pigeons, or leading a submarine into battle in a Tom Clancy adaptation, the beard is always there, as is his radiating presence on the silver screen.

22. Donald Pleasance in the "Halloween" Films- As Dr. Loomis, hunting down the maniacal, psychotic, boogeyman killer Michael Meyers in the "Halloween" films, the stress understandably grayed his beard. This one appears to have influenced Nicholson's beard in "Anger Management" (in which he also played a psychiatrist, there's the connection), and gave Pleasance a lasting image onscreen as one of the first to sport the goatee in one of its earliest, primitive incarnations. Not only a great actor, but a facial hair revolutionary.

Other Honorable Mentions: Gary Sinise as Lieutenant Dan in “Forrest Gump,” Burt Reynolds as Jack Horner in “Boogie Nights,” Harrison Ford as Dr. Richard Kimble in “The Fugitive.” (He ditches the beard early to avoid U.S. Marshalls),