"Olympic Outrageousness, A New Phelps Phan, and the Legend of Bela Karolyi"

Hope I didn't make everyone wait too long for a post. I was down the shore in Wildwood from Thursday to last night, so here's some Monday morning Olympic recaps for you...


Well, it took a weekend of partying down the shore for me to finally get into these Olympic games in Beijing. I was not too keen on the games ever since the recent 'roids in running scandal has left the track and field competition in shambles for what will probably be another decade. This, along with the crazy, everyone boycotting the China-Darfur thing and the US basketball team being pretty miserable the last few years, made me not take notice of the games.

The only time I watched the Olympics prior to this weekend was was briefly last Saturday, after checking into the Borgata before the Stone Temple Pilots show while looking for the Yankees game which wasn't on in the Philadelphia TV market that doesn't have the YES Network. The only thing on TV was the women's fencing events, one of the most painfully irritating events that has ever graced a TV screen. This event consisted of 2 young women, lunging at each other with a pointy metal stick for a half hour; honestly, what little kid grows up thinking amongst dreams of being an astronaut, movie star, or the president, that "I'd like to be an Olympic fencing champion when I grow up?" They should relinquish these obscure events to ESPN 8 The Ocho, because without a superstar like Phelps, the games as a whole would be dead in the water, pun intended.

I started hearing about this Michael Phelps guy, first in one of those cell phone commercials where you see someone talking about them self, who is in the background doing things when their phone is out of service; the part of them looking in on them self then yells because they had a chance to meet Phelps but didn't have cell phone service. Sounds as confusing as trying to interpret the true meaning of Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon," I know, but if you've seen the commercial with this "Phelps Phan," you'll know what I'm getting at.

Anyway, Phelps has been on a tear, and I witnessed this over the past weekend as he continuously slaughtered the competition, culminating in his winning of his eighth gold medal during the 400 meter medley relay on Saturday night. Phelps beat out a record set by fellow American Mark Spitz at the 1972 summer games in Munich. Phelps also shattered another Olympics record in winning his 14th overall gold medal in his Olympic career (including 6 from the Athens games in 2004), which is 5 more than the previous record holder. Then came the stories of his 12,000 calorie a day diet, most of which he burns off while training, and America now has a new sports icon, right up there with Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, and Jerry Rice, this guy has dominated his sport like no other before him, and may have a few more golds left to win the next time around.

Now, onto the next unforgettable moment at the Olympics this weekend. This one, unlike Phelps's great accomplishment, was unforgettable for all the wrong reasons. The creepiest old man of the Olympic games award has to go to former US gymnastics women's team coach Bela Karolyi. BK was commentating with Bob Costas all weekend, and on Friday night, he graced the world with one of the most disturbingly hilarious displays of excitement over women's gymnastics that I have ever witnessed before in my life. Karolyi is best remembered as the coach who carried Kerri Strug off the mat after breaking her leg and still leading the US to gold in the 1996 games in Atlanta. Bela was semi-creepy then, but in 12 years he has transformed into a guy that authorities should keep a watchful eye on. Pounding the desk and screaming out his pleasantries while watching a young girl perform gymnastics doesn't even sound as raunchy and creepy as this Borat-sounding analyst made it look on Friday night. He let out screams, scared the living daylights out of a flabbergasted Bob Costas, and sent millions of parents around the world into a frenzy making sure their children were tucked safely in their beds away from this ridiculously raving Romanian.

This was one of the funniest things I have seen on network television since Joe Namath's drunken, harassment-laced ramblings during a Jets-Patriots Monday Night Football game a few years back. We continued to see them replay this uncomfortable outburst of Howard Dean "Byaaaaaa!" proportions the next morning, and it is sure to give the struggling Saturday Night Live some good material for weeks and maybe months to come. I have not found the video up on YouTube yet, but as soon as I do, I update the article with it.

Bela Karolyi, I salute you for not letting women's fencing become the most ridiculous spectacle of these Olympics, and sacrificing your self respect and livelihood to look like a crazed lunatic on NBC.

And while we're at it, I'll salute another Bela, one who I prefer over Karolyi...Bela Lugosi, the original Dracula himself.

Photo courtesy of: wheresnigel.com